Decision Making and Deciding to do it Differently.

As the new year approaches, I think now is a good time to highlight some areas I want to improve. Maybe you guys can relate or provide feedback, either is great!

Ok, here we go…

As of recently, my life has changed. I have a lot more alone time post-undergrad. I’m starting to feel the burn of being an adult, which has basically been one big long-distance relationship with everyone both literally and metaphorically! Of all of the times in the past where I have felt like I was “thinking for myself,” I feel it now more than ever.

Not to say that this is a bad thing, but I have always been a person that desired the input of others before making a decision. I have just always been interested in the way that someone else would react if they were in my position. Does that make me a bad decision maker? Does that make me too dependent? (look at me…doing it again, asking y’all what y’all think, no offense lol). Either way, it’s an aspect of who I am that I want to take full control of.

BIGGEST DECISION INFLUENCERS…

What or who influences the decisions you make? For me, most of these forces are conscious efforts of me actively seeking someone else’s opinion, and other forces are completely subconscious to the point where I have to sit back and think “wow, what are you thinking?! Did YOU really want to do that?” Here are my top three along with ways I can improve, don’t judge me!

  1. Friends (consciously)
    • I’ve noticed that at times I will ask my friends their thoughts on a situation before I have completely thought it out myself. I believe all of the people I ask have nothing but good intentions when rendering advice, s/o to them! But, as I get older I’m realizing that I may have personally handled a situation better/differently had I not asked for input. I would probably feel more at peace with the decision I make because I know that I have thought it through a million times over instead of being so quick to go the route someone suggests for me. Advice is like a food sample at Sam’s club (grocery store), they’re there, ready for you to take, but you don’t have to take EVERY one EVERY time. The goal is to be a more independent version of myself not to stop listening to people around me.
  2. Social media (subconsciously)
    • MANNNNN (lol I’m being dramatic), but yea, social media?!?! My thoughts? The best way to describe it is as being a “necessary evil” (I don’t take the credit for that description, very fitting though). Social media is an amazing way to connect with people and compare yourself to those people without even realizing it. Connection, good. Comparison, not so much. I feel like social media has all of these “goals” and rules that you should be trying to align with, and in all honesty, a lot of it is unrealistic. Take for example a decision on how you want to handle a situation you have going on with your significant other. Ok, you guys are in a rough space…social media says that if he isn’t texting you paragraphs and paying for your car note, rent, and tuition then he really isn’t the man for you and all you have to do is slide in someone else’s DM’s to really attain what you deserve sis!! Or if he does x,y,z you MUST leave him or you have no self-love. I’m sure the same happens to men as well when they see the standards of what women “should” be doing or looking like according to social media. You start to feel like you’re missing out. Now you’re contemplating a rash decision. I have no real advice for this other than, STOP. Take a break…delete the app, something. People only show you what they want you to see….(let that sink in) Social media constantly slaps us with a different standard of love, success, and happiness every day. The real happiness comes from when you take control of your life and the decisions you make instead of falling victim to the pressure of social media to leave him, leave her, buy this, and buy that. LIVE YOUR LIFE.
  3. Perceptions that people have of you (both)
    • If you find yourself making decisions based off of the way people will perceive you….you’re intentionally inflicting yourself with emotional distress. I’m serious. For one, you will NEVER know what someone thinks of you. Why? because I can tell you what I think and could be lying the entire time, or I could have a change of heart the very next day. The point is not that everyone is a liar lol, the point is that you shouldn’t measure any aspect of your life by the unstable feelings of other people. When you’re deciding to do or not to do something let it be a genuine decision, and reflect on how different that feels opposed to when you make a decision because you don’t want so and so to be mad. For example, you’ve been invited to ______ but you don’t really want to go, but you know ______ will be pissed and think you’re flakey. Ok? So you go, and you’re there faking and shaking the whole time. You could’ve stayed home, saved your energy, all of the above! I’m not saying that you should blow off all of your friends, but I encourage you to only commit yourself to things that you can be fully engaged in. What’s the point in doing something solely based on guilt? You’ll stop flaking once you start being purposeful and honest with yourself! Reclaim your time!fullsizeoutput_10e

5 Comments

  1. Well said Jaylin!
    1. Friends- I think that sometimes we ask for advice, because we’re looking for a different perspective on our situation… and sometimes it’s helpful to have an outside view into your life. I am a sucker for ‘older friends’— meaning, I’m interested in the wisdom their life experience brings. Yes, I’m big on making solo decisions… but I’m also an advocate for seeking the wisdom of older friends… neither is ‘more right’ than the other, just should be done in balance.

    2. Social Media – Girl, don’t even go me started.

    3. Perceptions – MMmhhh that’s a tough one. I think that we all have different personality types, some of us find it easier to say no, and others of us, not so much. Again…balance. If people think you’re “flakey” for not going out, oh well… those who genuinely care about you, won’t hold it against you.

    VERY good piece! Keep Writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally agree, wisdom is very beneficial! My personality is one that has a hard time saying no. so I’m quick to feel bad about “flaking” 😅 but you’re right! Balance! Working on it for sure! Thanks for your feedback 🙌🏾

      Liked by 1 person

Pour your heart out here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s