I’m not. I’m just not. Feeling, IT.
I’m sure now would be a good time to identify what “it” is….and no I’m not talking about the clown.
That’s the thing! I don’t truly know what “it” is. There are so many things I’m not thrilled about in my life, and I just want to know what it feels like to be at total peace with yourself.
The other day I caught myself in one of my moods where I just wasn’t being positive towards myself and I only wanted to sleep. While I was asleep I was engaged in thought about whether my level of gratitude for aspects of my life is measured by how much I “like” it. I still don’t have an answer. Maybe someone reading this does. I began to think:
I don’t want God to think that I am not appreciative of the opportunities He has provided me with. But, I can’t help to think of how I would feel if I were God sitting up in heaven listening to all my kids complain about this and that, and they “claim” that they are grateful. I would be annoyed and the next time y’all try to pray to me I’m blocking y’all! (but that is why God is God and I’m Jaylin LOL)
I am at a place in my life where I feel as though I am grateful for everything around me, but I don’t necessarily “like” everything I have or have going. How do you conduct yourself according to how you feel in this instance? Where do I begin?
First: I’m going to pray. I’ll be praying for me and anyone else in the world that is feeling this whirlwind of emotions I am. I’ll be praying and asking God help me not to focus on what it is that I call myself not “liking” about the things and opportunities I have been afforded, but instead keep my mind fixed on the beauty of the overall picture.
Second: I need to pinpoint what it is exactly about each area of my life that I don’t like and why? If I can do that instead of saying “I just don’t like it,” I believe I will be able to either 1) internalize that everything in life isn’t meant for me to like or 2) come up with a way to change the things I don’t like.
Be real with yourself. Dig deep and find out why you don’t like “it.” Is it because you are incapable or lazy? Are you trying to do too much and it’s not your time and now you’re frustrated? Are you comparing yourself to the people you follow or to other people in general? Are you really loving yourself/respecting yourself the way you say you do? Are you simply just being greedy?
God put me in this world for a reason. I’m sure moping around and being unhappy isn’t one of those reasons. Some things in life I have the power to change, and if I know that change is within my control I can either do it or not do it. Some things in life I don’t necessarily have the power to change, and I have to realize that even though I may not “like” it, there is still a method to God’s madness lol.
God knows your heart. You may not be madly in love with every part of your life right now. So yes, sometimes your gratitude can be met with a sense of discontentment. Life just isn’t always how we “like” “it” lol. The key here is to not let your lack of “like” for something outshine the reason you were thankful for it in the beginning, because when that happens you’ll slowly but surely begin to treat that thing you were initially so grateful for like something you could care less about, and you may even lose it. This can apply to relationships, jobs, school, material things, and even yourself. Take care everyone <3